Dear Karma,

When we all started working from home I felt happy.  I had been wanting this for years. Working from home saves me 2 hours of travel time each day, add the time I spend packing lunches and snacks and it’s almost 3 hours per day.

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After only a few days of working from home I had my morning routine down:

      1. Wake up early and do a 20 min strength building routine.
      2. Walk our dog, Pocket.
      3. Shower.
      4. Make coffee and start work.

This is almost exactly the way I want to spend my weekday mornings for the rest of my working life. I would add:

      1. Get up earlier to give myself an hour of writing time before I start work;
      2. Work would be making art and furniture;
      3. I would often be doing this while staying in different parts of the world; and
      4. It wouldn’t all be going down this way because of a Pandemic.

I love my job but making stuff makes me complete and alive! I don’t want to focus on making stuff for money and need to support my family. So in working from home, I have more time to create in every day, after work, instead of commuting. Normally, I would only get a couple of hours per week but now I can do a little each day.

I felt so happy I started saying “I really hope this lasts.”. Now, I regret saying that. 70K people have died. Died! There are over a million cases worldwide and so much heartbreak.

What did it take to open my eyes to how selfish my thinking was? My daughter may have COVID-19. She has several symptoms and is really sick. It’s day 4 with last night as the second night in a row of a fever over 103 degrees. Her cough is brutal and she is no longer speaking as it just ends in a coughing attack.

I’d do anything to have this infection be over. I’d give up this working from home which I enjoy so much, if it meant she would be healthy now. I sound like I am over reacting. I know there are people with much bigger problems. I see it, but this is just what I am living through now. I am scared because it is something we still know little about.

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A small, old drawing from my series of Hearts

Here I was with one of my wishes coming true. In my excitement, I was seeing only my view. I was happy and unaffected. A Corona virus had come along and given me the the opportunity to be home and to slow my life down, to fit in the things I want to do. And no one I knew was sick.

It was not that I was completely untouched by how serious, scary, and sad it is. How can someone not be touched by the numbers of deaths and infected people? McKenzie Towne Seniors Centre is a 2 km walk from my home. It’s a long term care centre for seniors which, at last count, had 65 confirmed cases of COVID-19 and has had 11 deaths. 11 people in one building! That feels completely out of control.  My heart is with anyone who lives, works, or has family there.

I have been inside before. A few Christmas’s ago, Ana and I dropped off a bunch of gifts for some of the isolated seniors. I still remember what it was like inside. It was very busy, there was no one to greet or direct us. We felt sad that the staff appeared to be run off their feet. I imagine now with about 23 staff infected, things must be even worse for all those inside. It’s an absolutely heartbreaking situation.

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Some of the 20 mugs we made and filled with treats for the seniors living at McKenzie Towne Seniors Centre.

I regret saying that I want this to last. I never did mean the virus itself and its’ path of destruction. I meant the slowing of living a life, less focus on money and the things it buys, the cleaner air, and more time at home with my family and time to create. I know these things can be achieved in other ways and just by making different choices.

I feel sorry that it took my most loved little person being infected to alert me to what I was saying and the meaning behind it. Ana is not able to be tested so I don’t know for sure if it’s COVID-19 but it sure looks like it. Regardless, I am scared. Karma, if this is your work, because of my thoughtless words, I was wrong and selfish. Let my daughter get back to her normal, vibrant self, now please. The lesson has been learned.

 

 

2 Replies to “Dear Karma,”

  1. Irena, Ana getting sick has nothing to do with enjoying working remotely. Saving 3 hours a day to do things you enjoy is a blessing. Employers allowing employees the option of working from home should be a given, within reason. Regardless of the horrific reason in this case. Besides, you volunteered time at the Seniors Home, how could this be karmic payback when you did that? Stay safe!.

    Liked by 1 person

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